Is This You?

Did you attend a boarding school (perhaps as early as 7 years old)? Do you recall struggling with the sudden loss and then ongoing absence of your parents and everything that had been familiar to you until then? Do you remember experiencing grief and loss, exhaustion (your time was often filled up with a busy timetable), minimal opportunities for solitude, the sense that you were privileged and should therefore be grateful for your good fortune, academic pressues or experiencing the horrors of being bullied? Do you remember knowing that it was important to find ways to manage these traumas? Such as pretending you were OK, closing down your emotions, working hard to fit in with the others around you and the accepted norm, or even becoming the bully? In fact, it is more likely that your coping mechanisms developed unconsciously.

Or did you attend a day school – that was in fact an academic hothouse – which drove you to achieve high marks (pitted against others in your class) with shame and threats of consequences if you didn’t achieve them, perform well across the board (academic subjects, music, sport, debating, etc) and strive to get into the best universities and further education institutions? Again was there a sense imposed on you of how lucky you should feel to have access to a great education and everything that could follow: opportunities, useful business and social connections, successful career, wealth, status, etc?

Whichever of these was your experience, do you think you emerged from your education as the independent, successful and resilient child that the school and your parents were hoping you would become? Or do you think this may have been an illusion that your parents, your school and perhaps even you were pleased to buy into? Perhaps over the years you have noticed that cracks in your capacity to thrive and feel good about yourself have appeared and you have been left feeling distressed, empty and unfulfilled?

Symptoms

The survivors of boarding schools and academic hothouses often find they are struggling with the following:

  • building positive relationships including as a partner and a parent
  • perfectionism and at the same time feeling a failure
  • difficulties in trusting self and others
  • bullying and control issues
  • the capacity to relax and wind down
  • disordered eating and other addictive behaviours
  • poor sleep
  • unexplained physical ailments
  • emotional shut down

What I Offer

Working with nature as co-therapist. I work outdoors in private woodland near Uckfield where you can benefit from a calm and healing ‘green space’ and where confidentiality can be guaranteed. I help guide you to explore who you are and your past experiences and to find resources in yourself and in the natural world that will allow you to reconnect to truths and wisdoms that may have been hidden or repressed from a young age. Additional exploration may be invited using artwork, movement, mindfulness, story and metaphor inspired by the surrounding natural environment. You do not need to have any experience of working in this way; I will guide  you through the process. The knowledge gained through these proceses can help you to reframe your understanding of who you are, the experiences you’ve had, and your beliefs and behaviours. And it can lead to increased confidence, a sense of emotional release and optimism about the future.

It is possible that you have finally reached a point where you’ve had enough of feeling stuck and you don’t know what to do to make things better.  You don’t want to be a burden by sharing your troubles with family or friends, or you may even feel too ashamed to admit that you’re struggling. I offer a safe, caring and confidential space for you to share, when you are ready, painful and troubling issues and experiences that you may never have shared before with anyone. My approach offers you the time and space for you to :

  • Share your story and what you are currently struggling with
  • Explore, make sense of and heal from your past experiences
  • Develop a new relationship with yourself, others and how you relate to the outside world
  • Find, acknowledge and honour your strengths and personal qualities that may have become lost or neglected early in your life
  • Find new confidence and trust in yourself and the life choices you make

For more information about why I work in and with nature, please click here.

“Lucinda’s calmness and ability to make me look at the person I am has opened my mind to a different way of thinking and pushing my boundaries. I feel I’m a different person and I feel much more optimistic about my life.”

Still Unsure?

I understand that the prospect of having therapy may seem daunting. You may think it indicates that you have a mental health problem or that somehow you’re not clever enough to sort out your own life. I see it differently; I started having my own therapy nearly 20 years ago at a time when I’d reached a point where I felt I couldn’t go on. I needed to stop feeling all knotted up inside. With the support of my therapist, I came to realise that a mixture of early experiences including attending an independent girl’s school had all played their part in covering up who I really am and creating numerous personal and professional problems for me. This was powerful and liberating process. I wasn’t any longer trapped being the person I believed myself to be – some of which I’d liked and some of which, quite frankly, I hadn’t! Good, supportive therapy takes you on a journey to discover the lost and neglected parts of yourself, which then allows you to experience the fullness of who you are.

“After working with Lucinda for just 5 sessions I was able to articulate issues which had been bothering me for a long time and gain some perspective. Her calm approach suited me and her direct manner was just what I needed.”

If you are ready for a chance to heal from your past and are willing to be moved and challenged by what you discover, my approach may be for you. I offer an initial free consultation via zoom or phone so give me a call on 07729 773469 or email me to get started. By the end of that session, you are likely to have a better sense of whether my approach is right for you and if I am the best person to help you right now. If you decide you would like to work with me, we will agree to meet for an initial number of sessions which we can then review. My rate is £70 for 50 minutes.

I studied for a postgrad diploma in Dramatherapy at Roehampton University (2001-5) and a postgrad diploma in Clinical Supervision at the Link Centre, Sussex ((2022). I am a member of the British Association of Dramatherapists (no.: 3005) and am registered with the Health and Care Professions Council (AS08185). I abide by the ethics codes of both organisations.

I can be contacted on mob: 07729 773469 or email: lucinda@lucindaweis.com